light up the sky [JACOB]

[bella]

Sure, the last time she was here, Bella was jumping off the cliff in an attempt to bring back an Edward hallucination. It wasn’t a memory she wanted to relive, especially when she remembered just how close Victoria had been to her and what might have happened if Jacob hadn’t pulled her out of the water. Alice’s vision might have actually happened, and Edward would probably be dead. No, she wasn’t going to think that last part. Edward couldn’t be dead. Alice would have taken someone else, maybe Jasper to calm his emotions or something so he wouldn’t reveal himself. But one way or another, they would have gotten him out of there. It made Bella feel better that she’d helped saved him, but she was sure the Cullens wouldn’t have let Edward die in Italy.

So she sat on the ground against a nearby tree and looked at the water, thinking about what she was going to go through in the next few months. At first, the date of her vampire transformation had been set for shortly after graduation. Victoria and her army of newborns had forced them to postpone that. Then Edward and his little engagement thing had postponed this transformation even longer. When she had agreed to it, she’d had no problem. She had accepted the fact that that was the only way he’d change her. Now that she knew she also loved Jake, marrying Edward was just that much harder. Not because she wanted to marry Jacob, but because she knew he’d hate her after she was married and a vampire. She was going to lose her best friend; no, she was going to lose a lot more than that. Jacob had been right: he was where her life would have gone if Edward hadn’t entered it. Bella couldn’t forget that and she didn’t know she wanted to. She hoped she would suffer her entire life for the pain she’d caused everyone.

It was a sunny day and Edward was watching Bree, so she had no intention of heading over to the Cullen house. That had led her here, dressed in her really simple jeans, green tank top, and zip up hooded sweater combination. She wore a big black ring on her right hand to take away the strange weighted feeling of the ring on her left. Sometimes, coming to La Push kind of felt like she was cheating, but she liked to see it as soaking up as much of it as she could before she wasn’t allowed to come here anymore. She had to admit that she would miss this place. Bella would miss the water, watching the sun on the water (when it was sunny like today at least), she’d miss walking on the beach with Jacob, and riding motorcycles together. She’d miss the smell of Billy’s house - the smell of almost home; she’d miss just hanging out in the garage and joking around about age and watching Jacob rebuild cars. Mostly, she’d just miss Jake.

She’d miss the way his skin was so warm next to hers, and the way he always worried about her just enough. Enough to keep her safe, but he was relaxed enough to let her do dangerous things, like ride motorcycles and agree to taking her cliff diving, though the latter she’d eventually just done by herself, which had been a really stupid idea, though it had gotten Edward back to her… eventually and after a lot of mess that had been unnecessary if he’d just been rational about things. Jacob wouldn’t have overreacted like that. He would have moved on. She would have wanted him to… if she was dead. She should want him to move on now. It was just hard to see him with anyone else after he’d made her see. She’d had Rose’s vision of herself with Jake on a porch and their little kids running off into the forest far too many times now. It was unsettling.

Bella kicked at the dirt a little and let her head rest against the tree, wondering if she should have gone to Jake’s first, or called. Maybe he wouldn’t have even wanted her here. When the thought passed through her head she realized it had been fear that had kept her from calling him or heading over to the house and asking if he was there or running with the pack. Jacob had responsibilities now; Bella had responsibilities. Responsibilities that she didn’t really want to have all the time. That was the life she’d chose. Part of her wished she hadn’t chosen it, and she hated that part of her with a passion; because she couldn’t live without Edward. She would deal with the hole in her chest that had Jake’s name on it.

tag: Jacob!
words: even 800
outfit: yay clothes? engagement ring
notes: I'll code it later with all the prettiness and stuff.

[jacob ephraim black]

Jacob didn't want to be awake really. He didn't want to deal with the confusion in his head and he didn't want to deal with the frustration of not being able to kill the vampire that was going to make Bella's heart stop beating. The bloodsucker was going to marry her and then disappear, ultimately killing Charlie Swan and....Jacob Black. He didn't understand how Bells could possibly love the leech; the bloodsucker was a predator. As he'd said to her, you didn't see fish trying to kiss eagles. Yes, he'd developed another crush thing with Leah Clearwater but that didn't mean he wanted to see Bella to turn into a bloodsucking monster. He had next to no patience when she talked about her monster that she loved so much. Jake figured that he was just using her. There was no way he actually loved Bella. Maybe he was just getting back at Jacob for being a pain in the ass.

At the moment, Jake was currently on patrol. His russet brown fur was getting long and the branches cracked under his big, monstrous paws. He moved quietly throught the trees trying to be as silent as possible. He had nobody else in his head. For once, being a wolf was peaceful. He smelled nothing and that was nice. The rain got his fur all wet and his shorts, which were tied to his leg, were getting more and more soaked. His paws touched the forest floor softly as he walked. Jacob Black was all business tonight. He had volunteered for this shift because his head was not being intruded. When Seth had jumped at the opportunity to be Jake's patrol partner, Jacob had begged Seth to let him be.

Seth had reluctantly agreed. So now, Jacob was alone and it was great. He could think quietly and no one could go through his thoughts and disapprove of them. He let his thoughts wander about his messed up love life. What would Charlie think if it was between vampires and werewolves? Why did Bells insist on being with her natural enemy? And most of all, how did Leah end up in the picture? Jacob Ephraim Black had not meant for Leah to end up in the picture but there she was. He liked her but he knew that him and Bells were supposed to end up together. If the creatures of the night did not exist, Leah and Sam would be together and Jacob and Bells would be together. No one would be in any amount of huge pain. Everyone would be happier.

Jacob was mostly a machine lately; he patrolled, slept, ate, patrolled, etc. It was just a neverending circle of trying to distract himself from the pain of Bella marrying the monster. Oh yes, Jake had been sent an invitation and it hurt badly. He didn't want to handle it and the bloodsucker had been so polite like nothing was wrong. Jake hated that the most; that her stupid bloodsucker could hold the facade that he didn't hate Jacob. Jake couldn't hide it, ever. It'd be weird to start trying now anyways. He just couldn't handle the fact that Bella's bloodsucker was lying to her face. He couldn't stand the fact that Bells was marrying him and letting/wanting her bloodsucker to make her a filthy leech. Who would want that kind of fate? Jake was now getting himself all riled up just from his thoughts which was kind of sad but he couldn't help it. It was just...Monstrous.

The rain stopped and Jake sighed. He loved the rain but that didn't matter. He needed some sleep, desparately. He always needed sleep but that was besides the point. He went human and pulled on his pair of wet shorts and jogged home. Jacob was almost falling asleep on his feet but he wanted to stay awake. He hated sleeping because it was when he was the weakest. He was vulnerable. He walked in the door and found Billy waiting for him, "Anything exciting, son? And go get some sleep." Jake shook his head and went to his extremely small bedroom and got a pair of dry/clean shorts on. He kept the band around his leg, which was not exactly a fashion statement but he kept it there for just in case situations. The whole pack usually did.... Jacob walked back out, with Billy glaring at him, and disappeared out the door. He couldn't sleep because he had too many thoughts buzzing in his head that would definitely keep him riled up. He wandered around until he caught Bella's scent. It wasn't as strong through his human nose but he could still catch her scent because he was so attuned to it. He followed it to the cliffs and came up behind her, "I hope you're not planning to jump by yourself again..."

[bella]

At least it was summer. Bella shrugged out of the black hooded sweatshirt and put it on the ground next to her. It was warm today, compared to last week. Not warm enough for Bella to want to take a dip in the ocean, but warm enough that she felt a tank top was perfectly reasonable. She ran her fingers through her hair and let the strands fall over her shoulders. It felt like it was getting longer but she was afraid to cut it. She didn’t want to go through eternity with short hair and she was sort of ignorant on whether or not hair grew back. She doubted it. Everything stopped when you were a vampire so she doubted her appearance would ever get to change much at all. That was one of the drawbacks, but one she would willingly deal with if it meant spending forever at the age of eighteen. One year older than Edward wasn’t too bad. She could live with being one year older. She might even be able to live with being two years older, but she didn’t want to really push it. Besides, she was hurting herself and Jacob by staying human so long. Couldn’t any of them see that? She should talk them all into changing her right now so she could stop all of this pain. If she was a vampire, Jacob wouldn’t want her, and he could get angry at her and tell her he didn’t want to see her anymore. Bella would suffer, but that was the plan. She needed to suffer. It was the only way she could think of for her to never be able to hurt anyone again.

The problem with that was that once she was one of the undead, the pack was probably going to rip her and her new family to shreds. So Bella had given herself a new task: make the werewolves realize that turning her was the only way that everyone could go on peacefully. It would stop the Volturi from interrupting life in Forks, hopefully. Though she knew the wolves didn’t really know much about the vampire leaders of the world, she was sure they would know enough to not want them around the humans they lived with. The other problem was leaving the people she cared about. Charlie for one, but more painfully, Jacob and Leah. Leah was becoming a friend, and Jacob was Bella’s best friend. Jacob had been there through her own personal dark times and she couldn’t forget that she loved him. And boy did she want to forget that she loved him. She wished she could just let him go, tell him to leave her alone again. But she couldn’t forget how he’d practically threatened suicide on that mountain right before the newborn fight, and how their bodies had fit so well together when she’d asked him to kiss her.

No, no, no! This felt way too much like cheating, whether Edward would consider it cheating or not. Hell, he’d probably be amused just because she was mentally scorning herself over this. But it didn’t do anything to ease her conscience. She hated that she loved two people at the same time. If she could help it, she would have. Mostly, she just wished Jacob hadn’t found out about her engagement the way he had. Maybe things would have been better and he could have let her go without making her realize how much she loved him. Instead, they were both suffering. This was not the way to go. Maybe she could get someone to take her out before she became a vampire. Jacob had once said that he’d rather see her dead than become a Cullen, so maybe that was the easiest option. But Bella wasn’t suicidal enough to ask for it or do it herself.

There was a familiar voice behind her that brought her out of her train of thought. It was wrong the way her heart sped up in anticipation for seeing him; it was wrong that she wanted to be so close to the person who owned this voice; it was definitely wrong that she wanted so badly to forget that she was going to be marrying Edward; it was even worse that that last thing almost happened. As it turned out, after she made it to her feet in a clumsy way as always and turned around, the only thing that was keeping her from running into Jake’s arms was his remark. He had scared her, but not enough for her to be angry with him. “Of course I’m not doing that again, silly,” she couldn’t help but smile at her own personal sun. He towered over her, but who didn’t these days? Maybe Alice. Alice was short and very pixie-like. Edward was even taller than Bella. But that was the farthest thing from her mind right now. As if on their own (which was close enough to the truth since Bella hadn’t thought this through much), her arms wrapped around Jake’s torso and tightened out of habit. This had been something very common between them before Bella had realized how she felt for the werewolf. This was a custom that had started before Jake had turned into a large animal. “I thought you’d be running around or something. I was going to call you, but I didn’t know if you’d want to see me or not.”

[/I] There was a frown in her voice, and she was glad her arms were locked around her best friend so he couldn’t see the actual frown on her face.[/blockquote]

tag: Jacob!
words: 938
outfit: yay clothes? engagement ring
notes: Yay postie!

[jacob ephraim black]

Jacob Black was hurting....A lot. Anybody who looked at him could tell that he was in some serious pain and having complications in his life. His eyes were a big sign that he was tired but they hid the pain that he was feeling pretty well in front of Bells. Unfortunately, she already knew he was suffering because everybody knew if Jake was full out tired, he was suffering pain too. Tired was a big sign of pain because Jacob would just run himself out until he was exhausted when he got in enough pain. It was what had happened when his mother had died when he was little. He hadn't really understood his mother dying when he was super small but he did remember the hospital...He remembered that she had never come out and he hadn't understood why. He remembered coming out with his father but his mother had never followed and then suddenly they were at her funeral and his mother was in a huge box being stuck in the ground. Jake shook his head and then ran his hand through his hair. His mom was one of the things he didn't need to add to his thoughts. He was curious as to why Bella was here and why she wasn't a filthy bloodsucker yet. Jake had been wanting to see her, yes, but he was surprised that her bloodsucker hadn't changed her. He pushed that from his head, he was just glad to see her, human still. Human was good, he had to savor the moment and not see her when she went bloodsucker on him.

Jacob Ephraim Black was sure that he was going to kill off the Cullens as soon as he found out that Bella's heart had stopped beating. He needed to dismantle a haystack right now. He knew it'd be difficult to find the Cullens if they didn't want to be found but he had forever. Since he had forever, Jacob knew he'd find them eventually, no matter how long it took. Yes, it'd be a difficult mission but he knew he'd accomplish it. He still wanted Sam to just let Jake go after them now because they weren't saving Bella's life by hanging around in La Push waiting for other vampires. Couldn't Sam see that the Cullens were the enemy for the first time in years? It wasn't that hard to see, not to Jacob anyway. He'd just have to be patient and kill them when Bella's life was already finished. Jake knew he wouldn't be the one that was able to kill Bella but someone else in the pack would be able to. Paul maybe. Leah, definitely not because her and Bella were friends. Was it horrible that Jake was considering who in the pack was going to kill his best friend? Yeah, it was.

Jacob hated being a werewolf sometimes but it was a good escape from his drama in life. He just wished there were more leeches/bloodsuckers/etc. to kill around here. Since they weren't murdering the Cullens (yet) Jake just wanted something to take his anger out on. It'd be nice to rip a bloodsucker apart for once in a long time. He'd healed from his roughhousing with newborns and now he wanted to do it again. He wanted a fight now and it could be seen the way his shoulders tensed up. Jacob wanted a really good, rip-the-trees-down, hair-raising, snarling fight to the death which meant he couldn't fight with the pack. He knew who he wanted to fight and he couldn't wait for the day he was allowed to. Jacob was anticipating the day he'd be allowed to rip Bella's bloodsucker to little itty bitty, unrecognizable pieces that he'd burn. Then Jacob would be mostly free from the pain.

Finally Bella noticed poor Jacob. His eyes looked at her hair which was a little bit longer than the last time they'd met. She still smelled the same and had a little bit of bloodsucker scent trace on her which made him wrinkle his nose. She hadn't gotten any taller which didn't surprise him, in fact, to him, she looked shorter than last time, which meant he'd grown. He grinned upon seeing her heart-shaped face and replied to her comment, "Better not be, dork." Of course, he was ribbing with her, trying to find normalcy in his hectic life. It was something Jacob Ephraim Black needed desperately, just some normalcy. For once, he was getting it and he needed to not piss her off or screw things up which would make Bella leave. He needed to avoid the subject of her bloodsucker. Most of all, Jacob needed to move on and let her have a life outside of him. It was hard to do though; it was hard to watch her be in love with Jacob's worst enemy. It hurt to just sit back and watch her destroy her life without killing the thing that was doing it to her, that was okay with making her heart stop beating. He instinctively wrapped his arms around her too and replied, "Isabella Marie Swan, why do you think I wouldn't want to see you? You're my best friend, dork." He did understand why she'd think that but Jake would want to see her whenever before her heart stopped beating. After that, he didn't want his memories ruined so he'd rather her just stay away after she went bloodsucker on him.

[bella]

Wong, wrong, wrong! She shouldn’t be here. She shouldn’t have her arms around him and his shouldn’t be around her and she should definitely not be liking that they were so close. There were just a lot of things that Bella was doing wrong. This entire situation was wrong. Maybe getting close to Jacob in the first place was wrong, or maybe trying to see him now when she would be a vampire in just a few months was wrong. Actually, she was pretty sure that last one was very wrong. This was only going to hurt them both more and she didn’t want that, but she also didn’t want to stay away. She had an eternity that she would have to spend without her best friend, she didn’t want to miss these next few months with him, even if it meant she couldn’t be with him exactly the way she wanted to, which was coincidentally, just what Jake had been trying to get her to want. Now it was difficult for her to just stop thinking about wanting that. It was easier when she was around Edward. She couldn’t live without Edward, but she didn’t want to live without her best friend. And now, she wondered if they could ever really be best friends again. Maybe Jake could do it, but Bella wasn’t sure if she could.

She shrugged as best she could while still holding onto her friend. Time passed slightly faster when she was around Jake, probably because he was what she didn’t want to lose now. Selfish, selfish, selfish. She should be able to make things easier for Jake instead of harder, but she couldn’t find it in her to let go just yet - both physically and mentally. “I just thought you’d be mad, or wouldn’t want me interrupting patrol, or something.” Or wanted to rip me apart for staying with Edward. Bella never had been a great liar and it showed. She might be able to lie to Edward, but she didn’t do it very successfully and if she did get away with it (though there wasn’t much she’d lie about in the first place, aside from being afraid of what she will be for the first year of her vampire life) it was only because he couldn’t read her mind. She was sure Jacob saw through her lies though. He was good at reading body language, at least hers, and he seemed to know things about her without even asking. That was why he was her best friend. It was one of the things she loved about Jacob Black.

With a lot of effort she let her arms fall to her side, but she didn’t really step away. When it came to Jacob, Bella didn’t have much of personal space. She grabbed his hand with her own, thinking it was sort of funny how big his was compared to hers. The rules of friendship didn’t really exist around the two. Holding hands might look one way, but it was just normal for them. Of course, Bella didn’t have very many rules when it came to anything anymore, and the rules she did have were becoming blurred, especially when it came to Jacob. Nothing in her life was normal. Her fiancée was a vampire and her best friend was a werewolf. So it only made sense that things with Jacob would be a little out of the ordinary as far as other people were concerned. And if Bella was being honest, holding hands with Jacob Black meant more than friendship anymore; it caused her heart to speed up slightly and her cheeks turned a light shade of pink, afraid that at any minute he’d let go. But this little gesture of holding hands had become normal for them before Bella had known what she felt for the wolf, and she was determined to not let things that had been normal before change now.

“Getting taller, Jake.” A smile spread across her face as she looked up at her friend, noticing that he had grown yet again. “Are you even able to walk through your front door anymore?” Jake’s skin was warm and comforting and as long as she wasn’t fighting with Jacob, she couldn’t help but smile around him. “Since you’re here, and don’t mind seeing me,” she laughed a little and tugged him in the direction of her discarded hooded sweatshirt so she could pick it up. “maybe we could go for a walk or something? Or we could go get the bikes and ride around?… If you don’t have anything to do, I mean.” She felt like she add the last part on, just in case. She didn’t want to make things harder for Jake than they already were, though this closeness probably wasn’t helping much.

tag: Jacob!
words: 804
outfit: yay clothes? engagement ring
notes: I don't have any notes for this one